This Man Stuff is for the Birds

I got entangled in a little event last night that I'm throwing in with the rest of our new-to-NYC experiences. I have been thinking it over nonstop since it happened, and naturally hindsight has shown me that I made some bad decisions.

Sue and I went shopping last night a few blocks from our apartment, paid the $4 for delivery, and walked home.

About one block from our apartment, I saw a guy yelling at a woman who appeared to be his wife. He was a white guy, taller and bigger than me, in a suit and overcoat. The woman was much shorter, and thin. As we approached, I saw him grab the woman by her neck and throw her up against a store window, screaming at her. He then yelled, "why do you make me do this to you on your birthday!?" He smacked her in the face, elbowed her in the stomach, and choked her. It was like something out of a movie. There was a look of absolute terror - but not surprise - on her face, and absolute rage on his.

I was shocked, but probably not as shocked as I would have been if I weren't a city n00b. I've prosecuted a lot of domestic violence cases, and seen the aftermath of evil men doing evil things to women because of their culture, BAC, or plain-old pathetic insecurity. Seeing it in person, however, was new to me. The sheer horror made me feel compelled to get involved in. At first, I was the only one who seemed to feel this way.

Bear in mind, internets, that I am by no means a fighter, much less a macho-guy.

This is what I did:
I walked up to the guy, got in his face, and started yelling at him.
While still holding her by the neck, he turned and told me to "get the fuck away, or he'd fucking stab me."

For some reason, I decided that this guy probably fit the profile of the "typical" domestic abuser - tough on women, but not tough with men. So I didn't back away. I stayed in his face. I honestly believed that this guy would not touch me, much less stab me. Adrenaline-fueled logic, clearly not holding up to appellate review.

I kept some distance, pulled out my cell phone, and started to visibly dial 911. I continued to stare the guy down. For what it's worth, he did stop hitting her. He told met to "put the fucking cell phone away." I did not. At this point, a second guy noticed the commotion and joined the yelling and cell-phoning.

He tried to intimidate me by yelling, which probably works for him with his woman. I kept eye contact and stared him down. Lots of threats but, thankfully, no action. He let the woman go. He walked past me, threw a shoulder at me while he went, and just walked off. The woman followed a few feet behind. The other guy called 911, and we went home.


I remember hearing Sue, at one point, yell "Gui, stop, I can't afford to pay the rent alone." lulz.




This is what should have happened:

A *slightly* better course of action would have been one in which I kept my eyes on his hands instead of maintaining eye contact. After all, eyes don't stab people, hands do.
A *moderately* better plan would have been to yell like crazy and draw more attention to the situation, so it wasn't just me vs. him initially.
Probably the *best* course of action would have been to walk around the corner, call 911, and just stay out of sight until the NYPD arrived.


The Aftermath
Upon reflection, I realize that I shouldn't have proceeded as I did, and apologized to Sue. In my line of work, I don't make many decisions based on adrenaline; certainly none that involve physical danger. Lesson Learned.

We went back to the apartment and built an Ikea table. Manly enough for me.

Bonus: Our kitchen table is also a transformer, although it is not Starscream. I don't even know what they name their transformers in Sweeden. TABJLESUUTRUN or something.